A Perfect Echo
by DobbyRocksSocks
Summary: Sirius ignores his shadow as best as he's able. He knows he's not good enough.


**Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.**

 **Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Round 6.**

 _Beater 2, Holyhead Harpies._

 **Main Prompt** \- Sirius Black.

 **Optional Prompts** \- 4. Sickle / 11. Barbarian / 12. Cream

 **Word Count - 1780**

 _Beta'd by Amber, Sam and Lizzy._

 **Other Challenges listed at the bottom.**

* * *

 **A Perfect Echo**

* * *

"Well you're such a man whore, you can't be surprised that she won't have anything to do with you," Lily said, rolling her eyes when Sirius' mouth fell open in shock. "Close your mouth, please, Sirius. You're not a codfish."

Sirius blinked and then turned to James for explanation, but he could only shrug his shoulders before he settled back into gazing adoringly at his soulmate.

Sirius sighed and stood up from the Gryffindor table, shaking his head. "I'm gonna go find Moony. He might have some advice I can _actually_ use."

Lily scoffed. "No amount of advice is going to help you with Marlene, Sirius. She's too smart to fall for your particular brand of ' _charm'._ "

Sirius ignored her harsh words and stalked away. He knew Remus was in the library, but he detoured out of the doors and onto the grounds instead, wandering aimlessly. His shadow followed him, mocking him from the corner of his eye.

He tried avoiding his shadow whenever possible. Whichever fate or destiny or… whatever, that decided that carrying the shadow of your soulmate with you for eternity was a good idea, was an asshole.

As if Sirius needed that kind of judgement.

He laughed bitterly to himself, scaring a couple of birds that had been grazing close by into a flapping frenzy. He might not know who his soulmate was yet, but whoever they were, they wouldn't want him.

Oh, he was good for brief trysts and one night stands, and he had a laundry list of ex girlfriends a mile long, but they were exes for a reason. He played it off as the girl being clingy or needy, or that he was bored of them, but the truth was, Sirius wasn't good enough to keep any of them.

He supposed that was why he continued to chase after Marlene. She was the only girl, besides Lily of course, in their year that hadn't fallen for his charm. She glared at him whenever he asked her out, and barely gave him the time of day upon seeing him in the corridors or Gryffindor Common Room.

Rubbing his hands together against the cold, Sirius leant against the castle wall, watching the fog roll in over the trees of the Forbidden Forest. He knew he'd have to go inside soon, the temperature had been dropping earlier as the days grew darker with the approaching winter, but just for a moment, he enjoyed the peace of the grounds.

Here, he was allowed a breather to shed the masks he wore daily and just be who he was. A somewhat broken boy that nobody wanted. Not even his family.

…

"It's freezing," Sirius complained, burying his toes beneath Remus who was beside him on the small couch in the Common Room.

"You could, um, I don't know, cast a warming charm?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrow as he looked up from his book.

"Sure I could," Sirius agreed cheerfully, not moving. "But sharing is caring, and you're warm."

Remus snorted, but he didn't demand that Sirius move, so Sirius took it as a win and leant back against the couch, shoving his hands between his knees to warm them up.

James and Peter arrived then with Lily, Marlene and Dorcas in tow, and there was a shuffling of furniture as they all pulled chairs closer to the couch Sirius and Remus were occupying.

"Alright, mates?" James asked, dropping into the chair and pulling Lily into his lap with a casual arm around her waist.

"Not under some willing girl tonight, Sirius?" Marlene snarked as she sat down in her own seat, her movements far more reserved that James'.

"I'm turning over a new leaf," Sirius replied. "I'm saving myself for love."

"You can only save yourself if you haven't already given yourself away, over and over and _over_ and— "

"I get it, McKinnon," Sirius interrupted, rolling his eyes. "But I'm a one woman man now. Let me prove it to you?"

"You're a barbarian, Black," she sniffed. "I haven't got time for your…" she waved a lazy hand at him. "Mess."

Sirius raised a hand to his chest, a mock look of hurt on his face to hide the real hurt he was feeling. "You wound me deeply, McKinnon!"

"Uh huh." She watched him impassively for a moment, before she turned her head to look at Dorcas, clearly done with the conversation.

Sirius shrugged it off and fell into the conversation between Peter and James. He jumped when he felt a hand squeeze his ankle, but when he met Remus' eyes, he could see the veiled worry in them. Sirius winked at him reassuringly.

Remus removed his hand and put his book down on his lap, joining the conversation.

…

The Leaky Cauldron was brimming with party goers, each drunker than the last, and rowdy with it. Sirius stood by the bar, his hand wrapped around a bottle of butterbeer. Usually, he would be the first to order the shots, but he was a Rookie Auror, and he'd drawn the short straw for being on call over the weekend.

His shadow danced around him, though he ignored it as best he could. He'd gotten really good at pretending it didn't exist over the years, and only the fact that it was moving so much made it register on his radar at all.

"Black."

Sirius turned his head to see Marlene standing beside him, a drink in her hand. She looked gorgeous, in a cream sweater and jeans that could have been painted on for how snug they fit her shape.

"Marlene," he greeted, offering her a small smile. Usually, he would flirt and tease her until she was so mad she stormed away from him. This time, he simply drained his drink and pushed the bottle onto the bar, gesturing to the barman that he was done and putting a sickle beside it as a tip.

"I'm just heading out, but you look beautiful," he told her sincerely, leaning over to press his lips to her cheek. "Happy birthday."

He was about to walk away when she placed a hand on his arm. "Dance with me before you go," she demanded.

Never able to resist her, he let her lead him out onto the floor. She pressed close to him, and his hands automatically dropped to her hips. He let himself drift, the sensations of finally having the one woman he'd wanted for so long in his arms blissful.

Sadly, no song can last forever, and when Marlene stepped away, he let her go mournfully.

"Enjoy the rest of your party," he told her, stepping away and turning his back. The refreshing cold air of the night hit him as soon as he opened the door, and he stepped out onto the street, running a hand through his hair.

He Apparated away.

…

Sirius woke to James' voice, terror evident in his tone as he called Sirius name repeatedly. He blinked at the light in the room before he realised it was James' Patronus and it was requesting help.

He darted out of bed, pulling his jeans and jumper on rapidly, shoving his feet into his shoes before he left the flat, Apparating back to the Leaky Cauldron.

The place was in chaos, screams rent the air and spells were flying left and right. Sirius threw himself immediately into the frey, casting to maim and injure rather than just subdue, because the Death Eaters were attacking his friends and Sirius wasn't about to let that slide.

He found James quickly and fell to his best friend's back, the two of them fighting in sync as they had trained to do.

He could see Frank a little ways away, fighting beside his fiance in the same formation and just moments later, there were loud cracks and red filled his vision as the Aurors arrived in force, their robes suddenly the most visible things in the bar.

The Death Eaters didn't remain much longer, but by the time they left, the damage was already done. Bodies were strewn across the floor, blood pooling around heads and limbs. There were people holding their friends up, tears falling unchecked down cheeks and sobs echoed around the room.

Sirius could only stare at James, who had Lily sobbing in his arms.

How close had he been to losing his best friend tonight?

"Sirius? Are you okay?" James asked, their eyes meeting. "Did you get hurt?"

"I…" Sirius trailed off because he didn't know. Something didn't feel right, but he couldn't identify what it was. "I don't… I'm not sure."

James released Lily gently and stepped forward to Sirius, running his hands over Sirius' arms and back to check for injuries. Lily watched on, her eyes red rimmed and pained. Sirius watched as realisation of something seemed to dawn on her and she raised her hand to her lips.

"Sirius…" she whispered.

"What is it?" he asked, looking down to see if he had an open wound somewhere that she'd noticed.

"Sirius… your shadow. It's gone."

…

Numb.

He was numb. For as many years as he'd purposefully ignored his shadow, he'd subconsciously known all along who it belonged to. Perhaps that was _why_ he'd ignored it, because he'd known all along that she deserved better than him.

And now she was gone. She was the only woman who'd died, further cementing that she had been his _one_ and he'd been too late to save her.

He wondered if she knew, if she'd known and come to the same realisation as him and decided that she didn't want him.

Because he wasn't good enough.

The funeral passed in a haze of numbness and later, whisky. He wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, wasn't anything because his shadow was gone and he felt _lost._

"Mate… she wouldn't want this for you," James had tried.

"She didn't know," Lily had assured. "She'd have tried harder if she had. She didn't hate you, especially not since Hogwarts."

"I have pictures of the two of you dancing, if you'd like them?" Dorcas had offered, tears in her eyes.

Sirius ignored them all, not even bothering to reply because what could he say? _She was gone._

He'd never even told her that it was real with her in a way it had never been with anyone else. Even though he'd never so much as kissed her, she'd meant more than all of them.

...

When his numbness faded, and the pain became unmanageable, he sank into the exhaustion, letting it take him away, and his mind filled with dreams of two shadows dancing together, perfectly echoing their owners.

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 **Written for Hogwarts Assignment 1. Muggle Arts, 1.** Write about dealing with a loss.

 **Auction Challenge** \- Sirius Black

 **Romance Awareness, Day 1**. The outline of your shadow is your soulmate.

 **Disney - Q3.** "Close your mouth, please, [name]. You're not a codfish."

 **Amber's Attic** \- S3. Blackwork - Write about one of the Blacks.

 **Em's Emporium** \- 3. Sophy - Marauder Era Fic.


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